The Courage to Speak: What’s in You?


The Conversation, pg. xvii

“Speaking from the heart means truly being able to speak about all things that are in you, and then, in turn, living from your heart.”

Have you seen that commercial…”is it in you?”  I think it’s a Gatorade commercial.  After reading this line, I realized that very few of us feel like we are in a “safe environment” in our relationships.  Imagine that…we choose to “relate” to people with whom we fear we can’t be ourselves.  One of my close female friends and I frequently discuss what it looks like to be in a platonic/romantic relationship where you feel you can really say what you think and feel without judgment or the potential loss of the relationship.  Yes, most of us have at least one or two people who we can open up and share our most frightening fears and our most shameful moments; however, many of our relationships are based on us revealing only part of who we are.  We share our partial selves.  We show our work/school friends one part of us.  We show our families another part.  We share a portion with our lovers.  We reveal another to our friends.  But, the question remains…how can we be whole if we can’t share our whole selves?  And, how can we be in a healthy relationship if we can’t bring our “flaws and all” to the table for dinner or in the bedroom or on Sunday morning at church?  In fact, I believe one of my biggest concerns in seeking a mate is finding someone who accepts me for me – Every. Part. Of. Me.  While some slowly reveal their layers like an onion, I find myself looking at the layers of others and determining what part of me is acceptable for them.  I realize that may not be fair or that my assessment of them may be wrong, but I still ask myself:  What can they truly handle?  Can they handle my intelligence and degrees?  Can they handle my quick wit and frequent rebuttals that often serve as foreplay in the best sessions of mind sex?  Can they handle the GA peach smile that I flash for others when I’m flirting or simply exhibiting the Southern charm and courtesy I grew up learning?  Can they handle my fierce independence and need to be protected and loved?  I know all these things and more are in me.  Are they a safe haven/environment for me to bring my whole self around so that we can both find out if it’s in us?  As I’ve gotten older, I do bring more of myself around…but, I’m still a work in progress and I’m waiting to see if “what’s in them” meshes with “what’s in me”…and, of course, like everyone else, who’s fearful and still single…I want them to go first.  🙂


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