Patience: Do Men Have (enough of) It?


The Conversation, pg. 44

“If I Was Your Girlfriend”

Damn…1991.  Steve B was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend.  He introduced me to Prince’s “If I Was Your Girlfriend.”  I came to love this song and over the years have become even fonder of its lyrics.  (Thanks HH for the flashback!)  Anyhow, if ANY of you haven’t heard the song…please stop reading this post immediately and go listen to it on YouTube or Itunes or something!

HH references this song in order to talk about a man’s desire for inclusion in a woman’s life (although reciprocity is valid as well).  It’s funny because in remembering this song I can recall how “open” in love I was as a teenager; nothing in this song was off limits.  In fact, the things Prince cites are all things that I hoped for in my relationships, even then.

The thing that’s missing, at least in Part I of The Conversation, is a discussion about what it takes for people (particularly adults) to change their patterns of inclusion.  For as long as I can remember I’ve called my mother when something major happened (i.e. I got a phone call out to my mother 1 minute after WTC to let her know I’d just seen the plane hit and I was okay; unlike so many people that day, she was at peace and knew I was okay when she couldn’t reach me and she could assure others when they called her that I wasn’t in the buildings either).  Thus, when I integrate a new person into my life, it takes time to adjust those patterns.  It takes time for me to “process” this new person as an important part of my life.  It takes time for both people in a new relationship to recognize how their mate can/does add value to them.  In other words, inclusion requires patience.  In my experience (bless their hearts, lol), men can be very impatient.  Granted, they want women to wait on them to have all the patience in the world when it comes to them; especially in regards to waiting on a marriage proposal ;).  However, many of these men will go on 1-2 dates with a woman and expect that she’s changed her life/routine to give you top billing.  I’m NOT saying that women shouldn’t make time for guys or that guys should feel irrelevant.  I AM saying that men should be patient and recognize that any woman with some business about herself will need to adjust to you being a new addition to her life…so chill out, give it some time and make yourself available to take on the role you think you’d like to have in her life.  Men, I’ll shut up now and simply ask…do you think women are too independent?  How can women make you feel more involved and included in their lives?  What are you willing to do to be more available for that responsibility?


One Response to “Patience: Do Men Have (enough of) It?”

  1. keithtr Says:

    I’ll cosign you that “inclusion requires patience”. That said, so does everything, no? Patience is a virtue for a reason, and while I have no choice but to concede I can be a very impatient man, I have to ask whether you think in some instances a woman’s impatience is to be tolerated, but not a man’s?

    You mentioned, for example, that we take our time before proposing but is that the case or is it fair to say that some women are impatient in that instance?

    My point is that we all have to navigate our relationships at our own pace — which is why I loathe arbitrary ‘time limits’ on things. Who’s to say how long anything should take.

    Also, consider that at the same time you question a man’s patience, perhaps you might consider whether your reluctance to include him in your life is more a sign that you’re just not feelin him. It’s not unreasonable by any stretch that a man who wants to be in your life, well, wants to be in your life. If you feel skittish about letting him perhaps there’s a reason that doesn’t involve his patience but perhaps your level of interest.

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