Never Say Never

by

The Conversation, pg 5

“Some of Us in Here Have Learned that You Should Never Say Never”

There are very few things that I say “never” about.  Typically, I refer to something as “highly unlikely.”  However, a few years ago I told friends that I would never date anyone who wasn’t Christian.  Man, did I eat those words!  I’d met this young man at a nightclub while I was out with girlfriends one evening.  After a few encounters, I decided he wasn’t a complete weirdo so we exchanged information and decided to have lunch.  Over the course of the year in getting to know him (while we both dated other people), we developed a friendship.  He was a great friend to me and happened to live nearby so we would often go for walks in the evening and I would vent about a date or work or anything else to pass the time (as would he).  Although I’m not a “strict” Christian, in the sense that I don’t quote bible verses, attend church regularly or condemn the sins of others, I do place a premium on faith and value my relationship with God.  During our friendship and walks together, I learned more about his faith and his relationship with God – it was pretty impressive, similar to mine in many ways and yet different in others.  Over time, I began to see his heart and soul, not just his religion.  Faced with who he was/is as a person, I was forced to reevaluate who I said I was/am as a person and what my Christianity meant to me.  I decided that the Christian “label” wasn’t as important and his faith and works.  Granted, this relationship did not last as an intimate one; however, I may have missed out on sharing and receiving love from an amazing person if I’d followed my “never.”  When have you said “never” and had to eat your words? Have you missed out on an opportunity for love and a good relationship because you followed a “never?”

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3 Responses to “Never Say Never”

  1. alldunn Says:

    Speaking from personal experience there have been times where I have said “never” and meant it (for example; I will NEVER date outside of my race) and there was a time when I said “never” and it became a teachable moment for me. A couple of years ago I said that I would NEVER date a man with children. Some things transpired in my life and then I thought ‘maybe I’m wrong; what if it was me with the children…I wouldn’t want someone to rule me out because I had a child.’ So I got past my never and began to date a man with children; one of which was 10 years younger than me. Come to find out he was not the best person for me but someone simply to occupy my time.

    Another “never” that I have said, is that I will never day someone who is practices/believes outside of my faith. I don’t want to start a relationship with someone who I know I am unequally yoked with from the beginning. But there are certain things (my Christianity being one of them) that I value dearly and hold close. If we are having trouble in our relationship, I want my mate to be able to come to me and let me know that he is praying for us, to the God that we both believe in. I think a lot of times people confuse or misread religion vs. relationship. Although I’ve done it before; it’s not my place to point out the things that others do that may not be the norm. I know that when I point there are 3 fingers pointing back at me, simply because I am not perfect.

    Every man that I have ever dated has believed in the same core values as me in regards to faith; and I wouldn’t change it if I had to do it all over again. In the instance about never dating someone with children…I wouldn’t say that I ate my words, but I did chew them pretty well and decided to spit them out before I actually had to taste them.

  2. keithtr Says:

    Absolutely right that you should never say never. I actually feel like God in the last couple of years was slapping me around for all the “nevers” and absolutes I spewed about relationships in the past.

    Maturing is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? A couple of my former “nevers”: I’ll NEVER get married (I’m still not married nor in a rush, but today it’s closer to an aspiration than an absolute “no”. Another: “I’ll NEVER chase behind some woman. There’s too many of them.” #FAIL! I could go on and on, but y’all get the point.

    Thank God for growing up.

  3. gjenea Says:

    I don’t think I’ve had any “nevers”… hmmm… ok I lie! I have said I would NEVER date outside of my race. While I still say like Marcie “highly unlikely” I don’t say NEVER to that anymore. While I’ve grown up with strong BLACK beautiful intelligent caring men my entire life (in family, church, & eventually college), I haven’t ruled out the possibility that I would find love outside of my race.

    I agree with Marcie’s assessment of “never dating a non-Christian” however I also feel the same as Kira “wanting to come home and hear ‘honey I’m pray for you & us'”.

    As far as men with children, I’ve always been pretty open to it mainly because my mom had my oldest brother at 14 & I always think “what if my dad said no & never dated my mom. would I even be here”. So as long as they are good men and taking care of their children I’m open. However on this particular issue, it’s kind of rough as a non-parent to have to constantly remind myself that the attention can’t always be on me. I definitely want the man to take care of his responsibilities as a father yet be able to balance his time and invest the same quality time with me. For that reason I prefer to date men without children but if he has them I’m not turned off.

    But just like all 3 of you have stated sometimes “never” needs to be deleted from our vocabularly because it could be limiting us & preventing a potential blessing God is waiting to give us.

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